Hey,
For the past few weeks I have been focusing on how I show up for myself and how I give myself the love that I need. If I don't show up for myself, how can I expect others to do so?

How do others know how to treat us if we don't model that behaviour, even worse what can we expect if we treat ourselves poorly?

Talking to the people I work with this is something they often struggle with too.

This led me to look into the 5 love languages again, developed by Gary Chapman, a relationship counsellor, 30 years ago. According to Chapman there are 5 languages in which we communicate compassion, affection and commitment to our partners; acts of service, quality time, gift giving, physical touch and words of affirmation.

Chapman focuses on the impact that knowing our love language and that of our partner can have on a long lasting and loving relationship.
But I think understand and communicating our love languages can actually give us much more than this:

• It supports our wellbeing, highlighting what we might need in our self care toolkit

• It boosts our confidence, showing up for ourselves increases our self esteem

• It improves our performance at work, we can thrive when we understand what helps us and how we work best

• It strengthens all of our relationships, we can raise our awareness of how we treat others and how they treat us

Because while of course it is wonderful to be treated with love by those we are in a relationship with (intimate or otherwise), the absolute best place to start is by showing this love to ourselves.

Let’s look at the different love languages and some things that you could do to get this love from others and give it to yourself:

Acts of Service:

• Actions speak louder than words. Love is shown to you by someone lending a hand and doing something for you.

• People can show you love by doing a task, cooking you a meal, doing chores at home, making errands for you

• You can show up for yourself by asking for help (or accepting help that is offered), delegating, prioritising the tasks that frustrate you and would make your life easier.

Quality Time

• Making specific time to focus fully on eachother.

• People can show up for you by not having distractions like phones and TV when you’re together, arranging special occasions just for the two of you, being fully present and listening, going for walks to chat

• You can show up for yourself by taking yourself on a mindful walk, taking yourself for dinner, meditating, spending time on your hobbies, giving yourself time to work through your thoughts, book in for some coaching.

Gift Giving

• Not necessarily expensive gifts you receive love through physical symbols of gifts and the valuable thought behind them, whether bought or handmande.

• People can show up for you by buying a gift as it makes them think of you, getting or making a gift that reminds them of something you have done together, grabbing your favourite food at the shop.

• You can show up for yourself by treating yourself to a gift for no reason, buying your favourite foods, taking time to remember your experiences and creating a memento around this.

Physical Touch

• You like to show and receive love through physical contact with others, intimate and otherwise

• People can show you love by greeting with a hug, making contact when they talk with you, holding hands

• You can show up for yourself by getting a massage, giving yourself a hug, use a weighted blanket, take some time to stretch in the morning, snuggle with pets.

Words of Affirmation

• Communication, compliments and appreciation are important to you

• People can show you love by saying a meaningful thank you, giving praise, specifically complimenting you and something you did.

• You can show up for yourself by using affirmations and mantras, by reframing negative self talk, by showing appreciation for what you have done and the person you are in a gratitude journal.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and what your love language is below :)