Don’t just regret the opportunities you didn’t take
Have you ever heard the statement that we regret the things we don’t do, more than the things we do? Lots of studies show that our regrets of inaction are stronger than our regrets of action.
There are many reasons for this including:
The opportunity to correct the inaction isn’t available to us, the moment have passed. We can’t CTRL Z inaction like we can action.
The opportunity to see the bright side “I didn’t start that business but at least I had job security” doesn’t quite ring the same as other action type regrets
We might dream about what the opportunity could have brought if only we were bolder or took the opportunity
As we get older the number of opportunities for action and boldness generally reduce
As Neal Roese and Amy Summerville stated in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin “What we regret most, and why", “Regrets of inaction last longer than regrets of action in part because they reflect greater perceived opportunity”.
There are four core regrets; Foundation, Boldness, Connection and Moral.
Our regrets of inaction tend to concentrate on Boldness and Connection regrets; not taking the chance on a promotion, not seeing the world, not telling that person you loved them, not reaching out to a friend.
But as Daniel Pink states in his book “The Power of Regret: How looking backward moves us forward” we can use our regrets, and particularly our regrets of inaction to drive our behaviour and push forward. We can do this by:
Acknowledging the regrets we have and disclosing these. This can simply be to ourself (but it needs to be written or spoken) or with others.
Exploring the regret with self compassion (not self criticism and not self esteem) and curiosity
Decide what we then want to do based on our compassionate thoughts or as Pink says “Analyse and Strategise”.
Be more attuned and more open to opportunities that light us up in the future, heck we might even search them out now…
Because our feelings drive our thoughts and our thoughts drive our actions. Or feeling is for thinking and thinking is for doing.
So, when was the last time you compassionately considered your regrets?
What regret niggles at you most?
How does it make you feel?
What thoughts does this bring?
And what actions are you called to take?
And now for the great analogy I heard and just had to share…
A bird can have a happy life in it’s cage. It can sing happily all day without fear of being attacked, it feels safe, it has plentiful food and water, perhaps toys, perhaps a friend. But as the door to the cage opens and the bird flies out, just imagine the world the bird now has access to. Of course there may be risks and challenges, but wow, imagine the opportunities too.
I’d love to hear your comments on this, drop them below. And if you want to receive the blog before anyone else be sure to sign up to my newsletter, you also get access to special offers on my coaching :)
