You’ve probably heard the phrase “Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life”. It’s probably on hundreds of different backgrounds on Pinterest, Instagram and beyond. But what does it really mean and in the uncertain rat race that so many of us seem to living, how can we find the “way of life” that is happiness?

From a young age we’re taught that success and ticking certain boxes will bring happiness. From achieving good grades, getting a great job, a new car, a promotion, married, babies the list goes on and on. And yet how often do we achieve those things and the feeling of joy is somewhat anti-climatic and short lived. The thoughts of “what next?” soon arrive. This can sometimes even lead to self doubt, should I not be feeling happier than this? And let’s not forget that our life is not led in isolation, how are you supposed to feel if you finally get that promotion but your partner breaks up with you the same week? Or if you finally decide to celebrate your birthday and madness breaks out when the Capitol was stormed, just me that one I guess?

What if the idea of success and adjoined happiness you’re striving for is actually flawed and someone else’s definition? And if you realise that, what the heck can you do about it?

What qualities support this?

By developing certain qualities in yourself it can help to focus more on the positive in the every day while also pushing you out of your comfort zone to keep striving:

• Courage: it is not easy to go against the status quo, or the expectations of others. If we can normalise and express our fear it helps us realise we are not alone and we therefore feel better about ourselves and are able to navigate fear (and failure) in a more learning focused way.

  • Build courage by practicing micro bravery acts such as speaking up, saying no, asking for what you want- what is a little step out of your comfort zone?

• Curiosity: curiosity helps us to question ourselves and the worlds around us and enables us to see different possibilities that we may never have considered before. It challenges our ingrained beliefs.

  • Build curiosity by allowing your mind to wander into areas of interest, read books and listen to podcasts. Focus on being present, listening actively and ask questions.

• Gratitude: we can so often get lost in the future and the past that we don’t even realise the positive things going on in our lives right now. Gratitude helps to seek more joy in the every day, be more present and also build confidence.

  • Build gratitude by making it a habit. Take some time to reflect on what is going well, whether each morning or evening, as a weekly task, or while brushing your teeth. Reflecting in this way can also give a sense check of whether you’re actually on target with your actions (see below) and whether you’re still motivated by them or need to pivot.

What does this mean for your goals?

Does this mean we shouldn’t set ourselves goals anymore? We shouldn’t strive for promotion or dream about a new career? Absolutely not.

We can still have goals, but here are some tips to make them more meaningful for a happier life:

• Explore the goals you are setting - how do these tie to the life you want to live? What will this goal bring you? How does the habit tie in to your identity?

• Break down the goal - once you have a big goal or habit break it down into smaller process goals and action steps that are achievable.

• Celebrate your steps - by having smaller process goals you can celebrate as you progress helping you to keep momentum and joy in the process rather than the specific end destination.

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